I’m going to be honest here, every time I cook a roast or perfect a medium rare ribeye steak garnished with caramalised onion and topped with garlic butter (that's what I cooked last night, just saying) - I think to myself – and often out loud to the girls too – “Man I’ll make a good wife one day”. It’s like I think that if I can cook well then it means I’ll make a good wife! Of course I’m joking, but then it made me wonder what we actually consider to be important qualities in a wife and a husband. So I've decided to ask a whole bunch of married ladies and men, and unmarried guys and girls on what their opinions are! So today I have the unmarried girls' answers!
Kim: Fun, food and a great bum.
Khloe: My ability to love unconditionally and my natural responsibility.
Kourtney: I’m a great encourager, I love to have fun, and according to my personality type I’d make a great lover...But in all seriousness, I bring wisdom and maturity through personal experience and also just through observations of my close family and friends. I have a strong relationship with God and make that the focus in my life. I make great food too - the way to a man's heart is through his stomach after all...
Kylie: Personally I feel I can bring nurturing qualities like warmth, empathy and sincerity. I have been through quite a lot in my life so far, so I feel like I have had a lot opportunity to grow in maturity and in faith. I feel like the things I have learnt through my past experiences and the maturity I have gained from them is also something I can bring to the marriage. I also love to cook so I think that is great thing to bring as well!
What types of qualities do you think are generally important in a husband?
Kim: Lover of God, Fun loving, some kind of leadership skills and a great sense of humour.
Khloe: That he continually chooses to love me, supports me, honours me and points me towards God.
Kourtney: He seeks to understand me and he pursues God with passion and hunger even during bad times. He knows how to have a laugh and has a sense of adventure. He respects me and is willing to have the hard conversations or discussions with the goal of creating a healthy marriage. He puts me first. He adores me. He isn't afraid to be vulnerable. He isn't afraid to be goofy and put himself out there.
Kylie: I think it is important for the husband to be a good spiritual leader of the household. This means leading his wife down Godly paths doing all that he can to help her grow in her relationship with the Lord. Being the head/leader of the household doesn’t mean that he has any power or dominion over his wife though because it has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with love and a male’s God-given natural leadership qualities. Men should love their wives as Christ loved the church - Jesus is gentle, selfless, caring, and unobtrusive yet discerning, strong and loyal (just to name a few of His awesome qualities!!), so this is how men should be with their wives. I also think it is very important for the husband to be open and honest about everything with his wife.
What types of qualities are important for you to have as a future wife?
Kim: Godly, teachable, servant hearted.
Khloe: I think always choosing to love my husband, honouring him, supporting him and pointing him towards God.
Kourtney: To be willing to learn and seeking to understand. Placing God at the centre of everything. Unconditionally loving, and pursuing healthy conflict rather than avoiding it. Respecting my man and speaking into his identity rather than tearing it down.
Kylie: For me as a wife, again, I think it is really important to be open and honest about absolutely everything - no secrets. I also think that it is important to respect your husband and the fact that he is the head and the spiritual leader of the house - this means trusting your husband’s opinion.
Can you think of any areas you know you will need to work on before you get married?
Kim: I definitely know that I need to learn how to be taught better - learn that it's ok for someone to point out things that I need to work on for the sake of growing and being a better person, and it's not about feeling 'got at' its about me being the best version of myself.
Khloe: Yup although I think it’s always a journey and there are always things to work on. We don’t become perfect before we get married. Learning to balance life so that God is always first (although I’ve noticed an improvement in the last few weeks). Communicating more with my man when making decisions. Getting better at his love languages that I don’t particularly understand.
Kourtney: For sure! I know that I definitely need to work on how I deal with and approach conflict. I think it’s something I will be working on my whole life, but if I can learn how to get better at it now, it won’t be as hard later. Learning how to have the hard conversations is important - rather than holding back I need to be more willing to speak truth and actually say how I feel.
Kylie: I definitely need to work on being less selfish and more selfless. When you become married you enter into a partnership and are no longer a single entity. I think it is really important to realise that you now need to care for the needs of someone other than yourself. I think you need to be open to compromise and to choose to put your spouse’s needs before your own on a daily basis. Another area I need to work on is vulnerability. I think being vulnerable with your spouse is one of the most important areas of marriage. You need to be able to tell your spouse anything and everything. To be vulnerable is a really hard thing to do but once you get to that point with your spouse, you begin to develop a much deeper level of trust and understanding of each other.
What do you expect marriage to be like?
Kim: I expect it to be first and foremost fun! I expect there to be laughs, new challenges, adventures, and great memories. I also expect it to be like any other relationship or friendship - hardships, hang ups, hurts and just all round hard times. I expect to grow with whoever I marry, and be an epic team together, doing more damage than what I could ever do on my own!
Khloe: Rewarding but not always easy. As I said earlier I think it’s a journey and there’s always things to work on. I think a partnership and unity of two people seeking after God’s purpose in their lives.
Kourtney: A rollercoaster ride! Sometimes it is going to hurt so much, and then other times it’s going to be a big love fest. There will be a lot of sex and a lot of fights – that hopefully are worked through in a healthy way and with a focus on God and on pursuing shalom (completeness).
Kylie: I expect marriage to be a journey of discovery. It is a time to discover more about yourself, more about the person you are spending your life with, and also discovering truth about God and how He displays His love through your marriage. I expect it to be really fun and exciting at times but also really challenging at others with plenty of opportunity to grow within yourself, your marriage, and in God.