A while back I asked a bunch of single guys and girls a whole bunch of questions related to marriage, such as what they consider to be important qualities in a husband or wife. This week I have answers from the married women! Enjoy!
Beatrice: Give him the chance to be a hero. Let him help you. Women these days are strong, which is a good thing, however we need to be vulnerable too. Men love to look after their women. Make sure you notice and appreciate them, they love to be told "well done" and saying thank you and that you appreciate them goes a long way. Respect him, don't put him down. Smell nice, men love the smell of shampoo and perfume.
Cordelia: A wife should be understanding and a good listener.
Josephine: A wife needs to know what her husband’s needs are and be prepared to put those needs above her own. She should be self-confident, knows who she is and the value she brings to the relationship. There are too many outside influences that go from east to west. A women who does not know her value, or where she is heading in life, will be tossed about from here to there. Before a women gets married, she should already be independent, have goals and be enjoying a wonderful spiritual walk with God. Getting married to her life-long partner should enhance these qualities. A wife should bring to the relationship a greater depth to her husband’s life in his spiritual walk, his life goals and general well being. Get rid of the “what about me?” syndrome. There is no “what about me” in a partnership.
Winifred:To be respectful. Guys always want to be respected, which doesn't mean you can't have a say in any decisions, just means you have to find a way to portray your ideas or thoughts without tearing him down. Obviously that goes in hand with honesty. Just learn "how to be honest" But don't forget things like fun and good sense of humour. Guys aren't good at being serious all the time hahah.
What would you consider to be the most important qualities in a husband?
Beatrice: Let her know you love her. Women need to hear it a lot, but what actually helps a woman feel loved is when men do little random things that let her know they have been thinking of her. It can be as small as buying her favourite chocolate bar or leaving her a love note or sending an unexpected text saying they're thinking about her. Encourage her in what she is good at; give her an opportunity to shine. When she has had a tough day wrap your arms around her, let her know she is safe.
Cordelia: A husband should be a good friend and should stand up for his family.
Josephine: A husband needs to know what his wife’s needs are and put those needs above his own. He needs to show good quality spiritual leadership in the home. Not just saying it but living it. Being the example he should be to the kids and someone his wife will be proud of. Similar to above, a husband should be confident in his spirituality, know who he is and his value in life. He should also be able to bring to the relationship a depth to his wife’s spiritual walk, her goals and aspirations. Supporting her in these areas is necessary for her to feel valued and respected.
Winifred: Being honest. But also being caring/loving. Remembering the small things without being told or asked. It's those things that make me fall even more in love with my husband because I know he's thinking of/about me and my needs, and it keeps me in check and aware of his needs too.
What have you learnt the most about yourself since being married?
Beatrice: That I like having someone who adores me and I love to see his response when I tell him the things I love about him. I'm learning to not be so independent and to let him help me when I need it. I've learnt I sometimes have the ability to bite my tongue and keep it to myself when he drives me crazy. I have learnt that I still have a lot to learn about myself, as I get used to the different way he does things compared to the way I do them.
Cordelia: I’ve learned to become humble and discovered my weaknesses as a wife.
Josephine: That it’s all not about me! There are two of us in a partnership both equal and both valued. That by attending to my husband’s needs, my needs are also met. When I married, I was under no illusion that it would be a dreamy ride here on in. It was going to require effort, to grow the relationship, to keep it real and to honour God with it. Life is definitely not about me – and that goes against the general trend in society where we are actively encouraged to make sure I am looked after, that I am happy, that I have my needs met.
Winifred: It's hard work. But when you truly learn to put your husbands needs before you're own it... hmmm i dunno how to explain it. It just feels right. And you become closer. But that's something I really had to learn how to do, without there being a selfish motive.
What type of life advice would you give girls who are getting married?
Beatrice: Do you know how he reacts in a conflict? Will you be able to handle him being in your space a lot of the time? Don't give up on who you are and yet be flexible enough to let him be who he is. Encourage often. , learn to love those who are important to him and teach him about those who are important to you. Relax and don't sweat the small stuff. Be honest about when you are struggling and love him when he is struggling. And most important bring it all to Jesus and let Holy Spirit guide your conversation.
Cordelia: To have a healthy relationship it is good to establish friendship, trust, honesty and have a foundation in God. Each person must have unconditional love for the other.
Josephine: Do a self-check on yourself – are you confident in your spiritual walk with God? Are you self-assured, confident in who you are as a person? Are you confident your intended partner is who God has for you? How do you know? Does He meet your expectations or are you thinking he will do and you can change Him? - You can’t. You cannot change the character of a person. And why should you? Always remember by meeting his needs, yours will be met also.
Winifred: Learn your husbands love languages! And practice them. Chances are you will have different love languages but learning to show him love in his own way is really important.