As hard as it is to admit, there is not ONE person out there in this world who is made and designed specifically for you. Imagine if the world had been designed so that each individual person had an equally individual perfect partner out there, just waiting to be discovered. It just couldn’t work, Bob would be dating Sally, but Sally’s perfect other half wasn’t Bob, it was Arnold, but Arnold was actually in a relationship with Barbara, and so on.
We can’t go through life believing that a perfect man riding on a stallion is coming our way, or a goddess of a woman is walking alongside a beach, just waiting to be found. Yet somehow, this is exactly what our society is telling us. Plenty of articles can be found online detailing the step-by-step processes to find our perfect man or woman, but the reality is, there is no perfect man or woman out there, perfection is unattainable! Everyone makes mistakes; nobody will be able to truly reach perfection, because we are humans. So I say give up while you’re ahead, don’t aim for perfection, aim for connection. Learn to love that other person’s imperfections and flaws, don’t just tolerate them.
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” - Donald Miller
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that every Sam and Sandy walking down the street could be a great boyfriend or girlfriend; we don’t have to settle for the first person that we have a connection with. It is important to know the general characteristics of the person you are looking for as well as the essential deal-breakers that define whether they are someone you could actually connect and make a long-term relationship with. Examples of the types of things on a ‘deal-breaker list’ could be: the same spiritual values, career direction, someone with honesty and integrity, someone that makes them laugh or geographical location.
Everybody is different and I’m sure if we all had these ‘deal-breaker lists’ there would be a lot of variety. I’m not saying we should all go out and write a huge check list and deal-breaker list, but what I am saying is that it is important to know the things you aren’t willing to compromise on, the things that matter most to you in a potential boyfriend or girlfriend. If you have your list, hold it with an open hand; be ready for unforeseen surprises and exceeded expectations.
“We have to recognise that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, persistence.” – Cornel West
“To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.” - Criss Jami