Following on from last weeks blog 'What's on Your Wife Resume: Unmarried Women', where I asked a bunch of single girls their thoughts on marriage, I have the single (not married) boys this week! It's super interesting to compare the two perspectives between guys and girls! Next week I will have the married women and the week after, the married men!
Floyd: I want to bring as much Jesus as I can. I want to make her know how much He really loves her. How He would care and speak to her. How He would lay down His life for her and continuously reminding her of who she is. Encouraging her to step out and being by her side when she's nervous to do it alone. Comforting her when she needs comfort and encouraging her to go towards Him. Speaking truth over her and continuously pouring into her. Anything that I bring that doesn't point to Him should be removed and anything that does should increase.
Frank: When it comes to marriage, I bring my good looks and fun personality. Nah, in all seriousness… Growing up my parents weren’t married, and I wouldn’t want to take anything from their relationship…so growing up I had to find other couples who had good marriages that I wanted to learn from and take advise from (YES, even as a teenager I did this, You are never too young to gain experience in this area). A great place to get marriage advice is number one; from Gods’ word (The Bible) secondly a great place is from people who are in church. Since I have taken notes regarding marriage, I don't think I will ace it but I think it will help.
Fabio: Being joyful is part of who I am. When it comes to marriage there is nothing more to be asked than being who you truly are. In the future, when I engage my potential wife I would love to create an environment full of peace and freedom. Joy really cuts through stress and brings breakthrough.
Boldness is another personal trait that I can bring into marriage. When challenges arise, fear is something that does not take over me at a large degree. My faith in Jesus brings me absolute security and love. When I experience that love from Him I believe it will flow on to my future wife and encourage her to overcome struggling situations.
What types of qualities do you think are important for you to have as a future husband?
Floyd: The motivation, determination and vision that Jesus has for us. He loved us so much that He laid down His life for us even before we were made worthy. Ultimate love and ultimate sacrifice. Anything that He carries, I want to carry. Anything that He doesn't have, then I don't want it.
Frank: As someone’s husband I need to be a role model, a spiritual leader and be able to lead my family in the ways of the Lord. As a husband I need to believe the best in my wife and honour her even when it hurts and acknowledging when I am wrong.
Fabio: Honouring your wife constantly is a huge quality that I believe is important to have as a husband. When disagreements arise, it is very easy to undergo a relationship of disconnection. Honouring you wife involves going low and saying “even though this hurts, I am going to still choose and pursue you because I love you”. This establishes connection and brings freedom.
Putting your wife’s needs above yours is essential. Entering a place to listen to your wife and really trying to understand her point of view is important. For myself, I am always eager to put in my opinion in to the situation immediately without even thinking about others. Having a heart to listen and acting what you have learned is important.
Communication is another quality I think is important. Simply this…. ASK! Ask questions! Get to know your wife even more and ask how she is doing. How is she dealing in this situation? By asking, you are establishing connection and learning how take on challenges effectively together.
What types of qualities would you consider important in a wife?
Floyd: Similar perspective to the husband. You can't expect to take in relationships, but all you can do is give. If you give, and they don't reciprocate then you can't force them. They have to be willing to give. If they carry the same vision, then they will also want to just love how He loves us. It'll probably be tough, but it will work out awesomely if the culture is created.
Frank: Good cook, know how to clean... I joke! I use to think I wanted a wife who wanted to be a preacher and all of that but... the more I get older the more I just want a wife who loves God and loves me. A wife who brings out the best in me and I in her. A wife who encourages me and supports me... and a wife who is not afraid to tell me when I am wrong... I find that pretty hot actually.
Fabio: I believe loyalty is an essential quality to have in a wife. In thinking about my future wife, I would love to have the security that she will always be there for me when I need it. I would love to know that I could trust her with anything.
Grace, as a guy I do so many dumb things. I can sometimes be hurtful and I reckon having a wife who looks at who I am truly and calling that out is essential. Having a wife who is hungry for Jesus and can direct me into place where I can seek Him ultimately to grow and see His love.
Can you think of any areas you know you will need to work on before you get married?
Floyd: Yupp, many. But ultimately I want God to write my story. He's stripping me down and removing what He wants to remove. It's painful but at the end of it, it'll be worth it. It's because she's worth it. At the end of the day, she has to know that she is worth the struggle and the pain. If God says wait, then I'll wait and if He says go then I'll move forward. I'll follow His lead because He knows what's best for me and her. He knows her heart better than she does and I just have to partner with what He wants because she deserves what He wants for her.
Frank: SOOOO MANY! I am nowhere near ready for marriage. I desire it but I am definitely not ready. In fact, I urge young people to not get married too quickly. I think about many couples I use to look up to growing up, who got married young and are not together anymore for whatever reason, and so I just encourage young people to make sure you’re not just getting married because your horny. WAIT, be patient and know that God has the perfect person for you.... IN HIS TIMING!
Fabio: Humility is an absolute area that I need to work on. I have a tendency sometimes to boost myself up. I love community and making people laugh however, at times it can be quite full on and all about me. I would love to work on putting others above me and lifting them up instead. Ultimately, God is going to do my lifting and all I need to do is follow Him.
I would also love to become a better listener. I would love to understand people views and feelings and be able to encourage them. I love to help others but sometimes I can miss the point/aim of what they are struggling through and my input could be not as supportive in their situation.
What do you expect marriage to be like?
Floyd: I'm looking forward to it. Being with your best friend all the time, creating memories together and discovering who God created them to be and encouraging them to step into that. I know it won't be easy and it'll be messy at times, but if God's at the centre of it all then He can help us bless, love, surprise, forgive, discover and cheer each other always! It'll be fun if we make it fun smile emoticon
Frank: A lot of sex!
Fabio: Many will say that marriage will be challenging and I believe it will be. However, I choose not focus on that. It is an exciting time, full of love, passion, joy and unity. It is a time where families are united and where new families begin.
I think it is going to be fantastic, to see my potential wife everyday, to have the choice everyday to love on her is amazing. To be a witness of my potential wife’s journey in life and to see her grow and reach her dreams to the full.
In all honesty, it is going to be one heck of a ride but one that I look forward to.