What do you reckon the number one reason is for girls who can’t stay single for very long?
Cleetus: Some girls tend to place part of their identity in the views of others. When a guy shows them some attention they feel good about themselves. They can then easily misinterpret these feelings for being feelings of attraction to the guy in question, leading to a relationship that may not last because you can’t find your identity in someone else.
Earl: They feel as though they need to be with someone to be happy.
Bubba: For some girls I think they have this feeling and a need for security and stability in their lives and being in a relationship gives them that. The girl may think that there isn’t going to be someone better that will come along, so she settles for second best.
Billy-Rae: Almost all girls like cuddling and actually have an attachment to cuddling and feeling wanted. So finding a guy who is nice, attractive and can provide that comfort means that women get attached and develop feelings that may evolve relatively quickly into a relationship.
Wade: Feelings of avoiding loneliness & to feel wanted
Stanley: I guess the environment that they're in to be honest. If you're with people that are going out every weekend, then you just have your one-night stands, and that’s you sorted. And then if you're spending a lot of time by yourself, and studying, then it gets really lonely for girls.
What do you reckon is the number one reason boys can’t stay single for long?
Cleetus: They love to have someone that needs them. As much as guys like to be all stoic and ‘do it alone’, many guys I know have a fear of being alone, whether it be right now or the thought of being alone in the future. Having a girlfriend, no matter how much they actually care about the girl, can make them feel as if they have someone else in the world that depends on them. It’s one of the most amazing feelings to have someone who confides and trusts in you, and one of the easiest places to find this is in a relationship.
Bubba: Guys need to love and be loved just as much as girls do. Being in a relationship is great and no one wants to feel left out, especially when all your mates are in relationships. So guys go off and try to find happiness anywhere they can.
Billy-Rae: Some guys are just far more in touch with how they feel and who they are than other men, which allows them to freely explore what they like (whether its relationships after relationships or just girl after girl after girl). Men are more often seen as staying away from relationships, staying single through uni to enjoy the pleasures. But the men who can’t stay single are generally the ones who have those in touch feelings, the ones that don’t live in a flat of all boys and act out more often than not to show that they are alpha. The in-touch lads open themselves up to feelings, and so when two come to tango and a women feels the same way in terms of enjoying company, cuddles and attention, then we find ourselves in relationships that maybe aren’t foolproof (in light after being dumped from a relationship I was in for life and thought was foolproof).
Wade: They need a woman to feel like a complete man.
Stanley: It’s highly wanted to be seen in a relationship in front of your ‘boys’. So I guess boys would readily jump into a relationship for the outward appearance, and also for sexual reasons. It’s like an ego booster to stand next to a beautiful damsel.
What type of insecurities would you say are relationship ‘killers’?
Cleetus: Not being able to deal with imperfections. None of us are perfect. Even when we might think we’ve found “The One” we need to be able to understand that starting a relationship with them will mean that yes you do get all of the things that make them so amazing, but also those that make them the broken person that all of us are.
Earl: When they are so insecure about themselves that they don't think they’re ‘good enough’.
Billy-Rae: Moving too fast and getting in too far too quick is what fails. They think you’re amazing but it’s all too fast when you know you wont fall in love with that person. There is more than 1 person out there for everyone. So when you miss one opportunity with someone for any reason then moving on is essential. Full open relationships with honesty are the best way to make anything work.
Wade: Trust issues: being unable to trust one another, being unable to communicate for fear of antagonizing or anger. Putting relationships before God: pursuing wrong relationships to feel loved. Men insecure of women’s roles in society: they display chauvinism, jealousy, or fear. Unsuitable pairings: society and even the church can push the idea of the ideal family and ideal relationship, the man is portrayed as a white knight, perfect in every way. If he doesn't measure up disappointment and grief follows. Possessiveness: the man/woman becomes the centre of the other half’s world. They shut out friends and family and eventually suffocate the other partner in the process.
Stanley: Other peoples’ opinions. And just like media today to be honest. Nowadays guys need to have chiseled ab packs, jaw lines, and a vein in their arm. If you don't have those things your are less desirable.
If you could say one thing to girls in a relationship-to-relationship cycle, what would it be?
Cleetus: Take some time to find the things that you like most about yourself, and also those things that you know you want to work on. You do need to accept that when you enter into a relationship you are going to be growing and changing all the time. If you can’t set yourself on that path of challenging yourself and dealing with your identity alone before you enter into a relationship, then it sure ain’t gonna happen once you place some of your self-worth in a guy.
Earl: Stop! Take a year to yourself to discover yourself and what you really want.
Bubba: Be yourself! I know that sounds really corny but its true! Take time to love yourself and explore who you are; perhaps after this you won’t jump at every offer you get and will settle for someone who loves you as much as you love yourself! Being single doesn't define who you are; when you are comfortable being single then you know you are ready for a relationship.
Billy-Rae: Are you being honest with yourself and fully open with the other person? Do they know you have been in a relationship recently that has had a massive effect on you and that that means you are not ready for the same commitment with someone who you are not in love with?
Wade: It won’t make you happy, you need to get develop a relationship with God.
Stanley: Take a break. Going through so many relationships, for a girl especially, would take an emotional toll. The girl is just setting herself up to fall, and no one likes to fall.
If you could say one thing to a guy in a relationship-to-relationship cycle, what would it be?
Cleetus: Build solid friendships with those girls in your life, while not forgetting the lads. Girls don’t have to be your girlfriend to be an important part of your life. They can be someone who you enjoy spending time with and having deep and meaningful conversations with. While it’s awesome to have great friends that are girls, it is actually all good to open up to the guys in your life, and to take problems to them!
Bubba: Look relationships are great, I’d love to be in one myself, but at the same time it has to be the right one. You have to think to yourself when asking someone out/being asked out: am I right for them/are they right for me? Will this relationship work? As much as I want to love or be loved, are we the right fit for each other? Be happy with who you are don't look at those around you and feel jealous, this will only make you more cynical and upset, just be yourself, focus on that, and wait for the right opportunity.
Billy-Rae: Are you in it for the right reasons not just sex etc? Openness and honesty are the most important factors. Talk talk talk.
Wade: Getting a woman won’t make you complete or fix the loneliness in your heart; only a relationship with the creator can achieve that.
Stanley: To the players: Go ahead. Keep playing with a girl’s feelings. One day you’re gonna fall in love, and the same feelings that you had for that old girl that you played with, you’re going to have for that new girl. And then she’s going to play you. Cause she got played by a man the same way that you played your old girl. It’s easy for a girl to become the man who broke her heart.