According to a fake fact circulating Facebook and various other internet sites, the human body can handle up to 45 del (units) of pain, however during childbirth a woman feels up to 57 del (units) of pain, which is equivalent to 20 bones fracturing at the same time. Additionally, this fake fact also explains that being kicked in the balls is the equivalent of 9000 del (units) of pain. Which equates to giving birth to 160 kids, and breaking 160 bones. First of all, both these facts are not true; a del unit of pain isn’t even a real thing. And secondly, they don’t even make logical sense.
While chugging along in my wee research mission I stumbled upon a blog which describes the stages a man goes through upon being hit in the testes (there ya go Mum, I used the right word, just for you).
· The Physical Strike
o The groin lacks a lot of protection, so naturally, taps to the sack hurt.
· The Rage Stage
o This stage can last 5-20seconds and causes the victim to be in shock or rage at the person who did this to them.
· The Stomach Ache
o This can feel like the stomach ache is slowly spreading right up to the lungs. At first it intensifies, and then it lingers.
· The Nausea Stage
o This can be caused by either a rush in sympathetic nervous system, or by the severe/sudden contraction of the stomach muscles associated with the physical strike. However, this stage is greatly dependent on the victims’ susceptibility to vomiting.
· The False Bleeding Sensation
o The victim may feel as if there is blood rushing to the area, which causes the feeling of a false bleeding sensation.
· The Empathetic Pain
o Suddenly onlookers feel a sudden rush of empathy. The ‘inflictor’ of such pain may feel emotions such as guilt and despair.
· The Aftermath
o Once the victim stands up they feel weak and timid. The stomach ache still lingers, and if the hit was head on, there may be an observable limp.
Then we have birth… an average labour lasts approximately 8hours. There are so many different side effects of giving birth such as:
· First of all the waters break
o I don’t exactly speak from experience, but according to my research once the waters break the contractions usually begin within 24hours, however if not the doctors induce labour
o You’ve got your classic watermelon sized baby fitting through a lemon sized hole analogy. However, this doesn’t truly describe the agony that such a process inflicts on the body. According to one lady’s experience, contractions are “the deepest circle of hell. They start out like your standard menstrual cramps… and then they quickly turn into tiny, evil elf hands grabbing and squeezing your lower back and lower abdomen.
o Boys, stop reading this if what you’ve read so far has grossed you out. Basically this is when the woman’s perineum is cut in order for the baby to actually fit out!! Um… OW!!! Yup, alright, that’s it, I’m adopting.
· The Placenta
o Your baby has just come out and you are enjoying the relief of knowing it’s over, but wait, what’s that? Yes, that’s right, you also have to push out the placenta. “Just one more push” they might say. Ugh, I couldn’t think of anything worse.
o Again, because of the whole watermelon-lemon situation, there’s going to be a bit of wear and tear down yonder. Ouchies.
So after this enlightening overview (sorry for the detail boys), I guess it was always obvious that females do have it worse in the pain department. However, girls may only experience giving birth up to 4 times in their lifetime (ish). Guys on the other hand, they could experience up to say 40+ episodes of such pain in a lifetime. That’s rough. At least with girls we have the choice to become pregnant, guys on the other hand are wearing their heart on their sleeves (sacks), so to speak.