There is definitely a certain degree of truth to the idea that people can only be as close to you as what you let them. This concept applies to friendships of all ages, the fresh, the old, and in-between. If you don’t want to talk about the hard stuff that’s going on in your life, chances are, your friends are never going to know; they’ll never be able to step up to the mark and take their roles as supporters in your life.
As a friend, it is our responsibility to step alongside our mates during their times of need and support them, love them, listen to them and just be there for them. But how are we supposed to step up to the mark and be a friend to those people, if we never knew there was something going on in the first place?
As a friend, it is our responsibility to step alongside our mates during their times of need and support them, love them, listen to them and just be there for them. But how are we supposed to step up to the mark and be a friend to those people, if we never knew there was something going on in the first place?
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey
This brings to light the reverse side of this duty of friendship concept. As a person going through a tough time, it is your responsibility to tell your friends what is going on. It’s super tough to tell your friend that you just broke up with John Smith, and as hard as it is to admit that you are struggling, your friends want to be there for you, to support you and build you up. So let them be there, give them an opportunity to be there, to be the friend through the good and the ugly. There is a beauty to raw honesty and fragility in friendship; knowing you can rely on that person (or people) to walk alongside you through the mountains and valleys of life. In fact, I see it as an honour and privilege to be able to rejoice with my friends during their seasons of joy, but also to be there, listening and comforting during those seasons of sadness.
As New Zealanders, we seem to have this issue with our pride. We feel like we can’t burden other people with our problems, and we generally don’t want to cause a fuss or a scene. We have an international reputation for being laid-back and carefree, so the idea that we need to be open about our feelings and admit we actually have issues can be, naturally, quite difficult. We don’t always enjoy exposing our true state to our friends, admitting that we aren’t actually okay. Our immediate response to the question “How are you?” is “I’m good.” It’s hard to admit to yourself and others that you need support from a friend, but the reality is, there is freedom to be found in allowing yourself to address whatever may be going on. Everybody is different, but for me, I find I need to talk out my issues; my friend doesn’t even need to say much, just listen and let me somehow verbally process my emotions. Other people like to keep it inside, which is fine, but know that you have friends who are willing to walk alongside you in life, rather than just stand at a distance.
As New Zealanders, we seem to have this issue with our pride. We feel like we can’t burden other people with our problems, and we generally don’t want to cause a fuss or a scene. We have an international reputation for being laid-back and carefree, so the idea that we need to be open about our feelings and admit we actually have issues can be, naturally, quite difficult. We don’t always enjoy exposing our true state to our friends, admitting that we aren’t actually okay. Our immediate response to the question “How are you?” is “I’m good.” It’s hard to admit to yourself and others that you need support from a friend, but the reality is, there is freedom to be found in allowing yourself to address whatever may be going on. Everybody is different, but for me, I find I need to talk out my issues; my friend doesn’t even need to say much, just listen and let me somehow verbally process my emotions. Other people like to keep it inside, which is fine, but know that you have friends who are willing to walk alongside you in life, rather than just stand at a distance.
Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief. – Marcus Tullius Cicero
Chances are, not everybody has that person they can rely and trust on, a friend through all seasons. Sometimes, those people aren’t actually our closest friends, but they’re our parents, brothers or sisters, our mentors, or our teachers. We can’t change others, or make friends magically appear, but we can change ourselves. When we decide to be the type of friend that we would want to have in our own life, this is when we truly begin to master the art of selfless friendship. The natural reaction to love is love. So if we treat others the way we would like to be treated, chances are, we might actually end up receiving a similar treatment to what we were giving. If you don’t have a friend who is there through all seasons, be that friend through all seasons, set an example of the type of friend we should all aspire to be, a friend that others would want to have. For those people going through rough times, don’t be afraid to speak up, allow yourself to become vulnerable with your friends, give them opportunities to support you, and for them to walk alongside you, you will discover new depths to your friendships that you didn’t know existed.
There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first; when you learn to live for others, they will live for you. – Paramahansa Yogananda
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